Growing up I always had an idea of what my family would look like. I knew that I wanted to start my family out with two adorable, strong little boys and finish out my clan of kiddos with the sweetest little girl. Three kids, in exactly that order. Oh man did God laugh at my plan when he blessed me with not one, but two perfect little girls.
Now I was completely and totally blessed to have a pretty easy time getting pregnant. I knew that I would love my child unconditionally no matter their gender. I knew that God had a plan and was blessing me with the most amazing child for me. And I am so grateful for the opportunity to be a mom of perfectly healthy kids. After all, so many people would kill for that opportunity. How dare I feel any sort of disappointment. But when I sat in the ultrasound room and heard, “It’s a girl!” I cried. Like actual tears cried.
I couldn’t help it. I had planned in my head for so long exactly what my family was going to be that when I realized that was not my reality, I may have been a little stunned. I don’t know why. There was a 50/50 chance, right? Outside of my husband, no one really knew how I felt. I was elated to be having a little girl, but I still wanted my boy. My plan.
This isn’t something moms talk about, and you may think I’m a terrible person after reading this, but I know I’m not the only one who has experienced a level of gender disappointment. That does not mean I love my girls any less. That does not mean I’m a “less than” mom.
When I saw my plan unraveling, I had every right to be overwhelmed and a little sad. I can’t imagine my life without my two precious girls now. God never makes a mistake and I am a firm believer that I was placed on this earth to be their mama.
Do I still want a boy? Absolutely. If my next child isn’t a boy will I be slightly disappointed? Yes. But I will still love that perfect, tiny human being with my entire life, boy or girl. So for now, my home may be filled with high pitched girly giggles and frilly bows. That may be all I ever know. And even though I may be a little sad about that, I know that God will have placed me exactly where I’m meant to be, as a mom to the most amazing humans around. But future son-in-laws, be prepared for your second mom! 😉
All my love,